My Mind Is Spinning
I keep holding myself back from hitting publish on posts because I don’t feel like they are written well enough, or there’s a possibility I’ve left something out. It’s causing me such anxiety I want to tear my hair out. I’ve created my own whirlpool, and I keep going round and round and round. The only thing I end up creating is more anxiety for myself.
One such post I’ve been writing for over a week is about the whole Eden Fantasys Saga – however I’m holding that back for two reasons. #1 – it is still an ongoing tale and my investigation into it aren’t complete and #2 My account’s now blocked, and they owe me a nice chunk of change in affiliate commissions & I’d like to get paid! I’m not even sure why I’m banned, but I’m guessing it has to do with being outspoken on twitter and providing ways to find deleted forum threads – but who knows. My sister also got her account blocked, and she certainly did nothing wrong, but according to stormy we are the same person lmao.
This will be the third affiliate program to fuck me over, accepting orders and payments from customers I have referred but unable to hold up their end of the bargain by paying me. It’s frustrating the living shit out of me. It’s also another post that I’m working on, and need to complete. It also means that I now need to remove the links from all my posts to these sites, and hopefully replace them with links to more trust worthy sex toy stores – but that’s a LOT of work, and I feel like if I need to go through every single blog post and make edits I should get a new theme in place first.
I need to overhaul this site. It needs a theme and layout that works for this blog, it needs its own custom theme. I’m working on it, but feel guilty that I’m not spending time completing some long overdue reviews. But I feel like I don’t want to go editing old posts and adding new ones until I’ve got the place organised far better than it is now. Screaming-Violet.com is a screaming mess – just like its owner!!
So I have multiple voices in my head, all shouting different things:
- Finish that EF post and show people the BS that’s been going on and advise companies how to learn from EF’s mistakes
- Get that Review for SheVibe, the pure wand, uberlube, stronic Eins, Tantus etc finished.
- Fix your old affiliate links and find new places to link the posts to
- Create a new theme for your blog
- Design a new structure for review categories
- Write about this idea and that idea
- Promote your blog – but you better make it look better first
- Answer emails from retailers asking for advice regarding brands to stock
- better review those products to show the retailers how great they are
- work on building your adult social media and SEO consulting services
- Re-connect to the friends you miss from the sex toy community
- Create a database to keep track of all your toys, reviews, affiliate programs, advertisers and review sponsors etc
- etc etc etc
I wish I could switch it off.
If anyone has any advice I’d love to hear it. I’m whipping myself into a ridiculous frenzy, and I’m getting nothing done, all I’m doing is crying. I’m hormonal and unwell, depressed and at the end of my rope – it’s not a pretty picture…
that’s all.
You have quite the list there. Is it possible to figure out a heirarchy for what needs to be done first or at least earlier than some of the others? Maybe put those on the same hierarchy into a fishbowl / hat and pick out a top priority that way. Once you’ve done that, disregard the others for a bit until that item gets closer to or gets completed, then do the selection process again. It’s often difficult to figure out what to do when you have such a huge list and something as arbitrary as the hat can make things easier.
I’m also sorry and disappointed to hear about EF. I don’t have an affiliate account with them, but I did do some reviews. I hope you can get what they owe you.
Hope you feel a bit better about everything soon as well. I know it’s very difficult, but try not to beat yourself up too much. Nothing will ever be perfect and that’s okay too.
I’m working on sorting things into a hierarchy and have discovered that creating the new theme should be priority #1 as a lot of the other tasks in my list are best done after the new theme is in place. I just spent the weekend working on it but completely hate the results, so back to the drawing board!
I absolutely love the fish bowl idea and I think that it might work really well for me – fingers crossed!!
Thank you for your support – it means a LOT xox
Your site is great, love the colors and the feel. Don’t get over creative, just keep it simple.
I have some voices in my ear that keep reminding me a blog was never supposed to be about perfection; it was a place to spill your thoughts, however that comes out. Extensive editing is for journalism. I have to keep reminding myself of that otherwise I’d never get anything published. 😛
I recently moved to self-hosting and ended up stopping all posts until I felt like I got the design and my previous posts in halfway decent order. Perhaps not good because it made my blog look dead, but doing things this way means I now feel like I can write on a solid foundation. So, I get the feeling. Just do what you want/need to and take a break from whatever as needed. Burn-out is never fun.
Have you thought about outsourcing some of the donkey work?
Maybe even some of the more techy stuff?
I work with people from all over the world via Elance, they are cheap, reliable and get the job done really quickly. It takes a bit of care (a bit like buying from a vendor on eBay) but it might help if you can spare a small amount of cash to get it done.
I hope the stress and depression are easing off IME exercise and fresh air help x
Hey,
Your blog is a very fun and creative blog! Don’t put yourself down, you have some great content.
Maybe you just need to organise what needs to be done and when or even get a little team together to help.
Love your articles though, look forward to more from you.
Thanks