Irony

It’s kinda strange for a blogger to disappear and virtually stop posting1 during a blog feature that they are hosting themselves. But that’s been the case with me and my Red October feature. I’ve been in and out of the hospital for the past week or so in an ironic twist I think worthy of an Alanis Morissette song!

I have both endometriosis and Poly-cystic Ovaries  – a.k.a PCOS both of which are conditions related to my uterus and their disruption of my life is linked directly to my menstrual cycle.

Without pulling out a Gynecological textbook endometriosis is the over-excited growth and displacement of endometrial tissue – the stuff that falls away from the walls of the uterus n the absence of a fertilised egg and creates the stuff periods are made of. It’s also the most common of all menstruation related conditions, one that’s caused by periods as well as being made worse and being spreadby having your periods. A real catch 22 kinda deal.

With Endometriosis the endometrial tissue lining the uterus can be far thicker than usual  it can also manage to transport itself around the body, most often sticking to the pelvic cavity, but in extreme cases (like mine) they decide to take up residence in some odd and inexplicable places. I’m talking about areas such as the bladder, the bowel and even the lungs and nose2 along with other places within abdomen. Where over time it starts to act like glue, sticking the organs together. Every month, no matter what its location the endometrial tissue bleeds. The lost pieces of endometrial tissue that didnt get the memo about staying in one spot form a much smaller patch than the stuff lining the uterus, so the bleeding is minimal but the havoc and pain it wreaks is anything but minimal.

So every month when I get my period not only do I have a period that’s 4 or 5 times the volume as a normal period I also get the bleeding in those other crazy places and the agony that goes with them having fluid building up in a place it shouldn’t. Occassionally I get dealt an even heavier period that lands me in hospital, often after an embarassing fainting spell.Basically I loose too much blood and pass out – I then end up in hospital needing a blood transfusion, sometimes they just give me fluids and a shot of hormones to try and stop my period. This month though, this was a bad month.

Endometriosis itself is medical irony. The bodily function which creates it also aggravates it and makes it worsen, then the best solution is made near impossible by the existence of the condition. The best thing to do for endo as it is often called, is to fall pregnant. Only problem there is that endo leaves around 40% of those it affects infertile.

I’ve been advised on more than one occassion to tear everything out and be done with menstruation for good. The same thing that every woman in my family tree above me has done, but I just can’t do it. I can’t quite explain it as my uterus is pretty pointless these days – Still I just can’t let go of it.

I can’t let go of the very minimal possibility that I’ll want to have another baby someday. I can accept that theres a 99.9999999% chance I’ll never ever be pregnant again, I can’t however stand loosing that teeny, tiny, miniscule of hope. I can’t turn that pin hole of hope into an absolute ZERO chance I’ll ever have another baby. As pathetic as it is I want to keep that 0.0000001% chance, even if it is reliant on the odds that go with doing IVF treatments.If I ever do meet the man of my dreams and he wants kids I don’t want to have that regret kicking me in the shins

So every month, sometimes twice a month depending on the hormones excreeted by my faulty ovaries, I put up with a week long pain fest along with the fainting spells, hospital visits and the occassional blood transfusion3 as it’s my choice. I know how easily it could all go away, I’ve listened to Dr after Dr call me stupid and massochistic and tell me just how easily they could rip my trouble making reproductive organs, but it’s not going to change my mind. My girly bits are staying put.

Hmm, can you hear my frustration? This was meant to be a quick ‘We will be returning to our usual programming shortly’ style post, one that poked fun at the fact my feature about periods was disrupted by my period, but along my way my frustration and and overly emotional head decided to have a mini rant.

Thanks for reading – Red October programming will return to its intended schedule soon!

Cheers

 Violet xx

P.S whilst I’m on the subject of Endometriosis and “menstrual issues” – If you too suffer from endometriosis or any other condition that screws with your girly bits I’d love for you to speak up and join the conversation I’m trying to cultivate with Red October

1. the breast cancer info-graphic was a pre-scheduled post [↩]
2. Ok so I don’t have it in my nose – but it’s known to go there [↩]
3. Mind you I’ve only had 3 in the past 3 years [↩]