I just wanted to post this before I try and get the nerve up to post the Images I’ve taken for Sapio Slut’s Scavenger Hunt. I’m not posting it looking for re-assurance or attention or anything like that. More because I want people to understand why I’m doing what I’m doing and taking part despite having major self image issues. So here’s what I wrote last Sunday after taking my first scavenger hunt Photo.
Normally I’m shy & ashamed of myself. Something I’m trying to discard, I’m working on letting go and fully wholly embracing my self, my sexuality and my Inner Whore.
Although in my sexual relationship with X I always (& still do to some extent) feel like I’ve always been un-inhibited
and able to fully exoress myself sexually, the same sexual relationship, & the emotional one too has left me scarred.
Society & its pressures have also taken their toll on my self image & self esteem, which was an issue well before I was overweight. I rarely feel good about myself either as a person or physically, that’s why I try to hide behind a wall of shyness.A Wall that needs to get torn down, so that I can eventually show off the person I’m rebuilding behind that wall. I’m all about sexual positivity and people being able to express themselves, their sexuality and their kinks proudly, yet I fail to express myself in such a way, I lock myself away, try and hide it deep within, but bit by bit Im doing what I can to unfurl myself and let myself be free.
It started with -B. OMG poor -B. The first night I spent with him, I swear I was shaking with fear. X was the first guy
I actually let go with sexually. I was hot, full of confidence and ready to let go of the sexual hang ups Id already managed
to collect by the time I was 16.Now I’m 31 and ready to let go of the hang ups I have procured in those past 15 yrs!
I want to be able to give myself over to -B 100%, let him have all of me sexually. It’s his fault I started on my journey to
discrobe the shyness and the shame that have built up over the years. And honestly, I wouldn’t be here without him, either emotionally, or physically writing this blog. He was and still is my catalyst. The truth be told, there’s no better man to put a broken woman back together. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not perfect, and can be a little shit at times :P, and together we’ve had some speed humps, even some mountains – silent mountains, but I do love and adore him. He’s just….
Well he’s my -B:P and although we could never actually be together, I love the friendship I have with him. I don’t want to
be his girlfriend, I love him to much to be with him like that. Part of me would break if I couldn’t have him in my life. So
I’m only too happy to stand back & be his friend, benefits or not. I just hope that in time I can help him as much as he’s helped me. I hope he will learn to trust me & finally, truly know that I am there for him, that he can trust me, and know that I do understand him, sometimes even better than he knows himself.
Of course I’d love to be able to fuck him again, shit I’d love to be able to fuck the guy three times a day for the rest of my life! But, honestly, seeing him happy is slightly more satisfying…. just lol.Anyway that enough -B praising for now he might get a swollen head!
So Very long story cut short, In my efforts to shed the cloak of shyness and insecurity and continue travelling my path
to being sexually free I went and got my tits out, on a freezing cold Winter’s Night To take part in Half Nekkid Thursday,
Sapio Slut’s Scavenger hunt & perhaps Wanton Wednesdays. All of which I see as being another tool to help me let go!
So with all of that said I guess it’s time for me to post the photos I took. I just hope It doesn’t cause the impression of me to change…but if I loose readers because you don’t like how I look, or you can’t stand fat chicks, or even if you disagree with what Im doing. I’m not doing it for anyone but me – so you won’t be missed. Those who stay and continue to read and talk and love me, I will simply love you more…can you tell Im scared